Training Memo: Archdiocesan Code of Ethics: with notes

• Church personnel shall exhibit the highest Christian ethical standards and personal integrity.

Note: As far as I know, the only place you can find a description of Christian ethical standards is in the Bible. So, I have to read and adhere to the Bible in order to work here? (Keep this question to yourself. They don’t know you’re a Buddhist. Shut up. Need money.)

• Church personnel shall conduct themselves in a manner that is consistent with the discipline, norms, and teaching of the Catholic Church.

NOTE: Isn’t that the Catechism? Now I have to dredge up traumatic CCD memories? Awesome! (sarcasm)

• Church personnel shall provide an environment that is free from harassment.

JOKE: I feel harassed by this document. Nah, that’s not that funny.

• Church personnel shall not take advantage of a counseling, supervisory and/or authoritative relationship for their own benefit.

NOTE: In other words, don’t order kids to jerk you off. Got it.

• Church personnel shall not abuse or neglect a minor or adult.

NOTE: I said I got it. Don’t belabor the fucking point. I watched the News in the 90s. I get it. No more kiddy porn in the Catholic Church. Don’t worry. That’s not my scene anyway. I fuck grown up ladies–who consent to it, of course.

• Church Personnel shall share concerns about suspicious or inappropriate behavior with their pastor, their principal, or the Archdiocesan Chancellor.

NOTE: POLICE FIRST! CALL THE POLICE FIRST!!

• Church personnel shall adhere to the law of the State of __ and the Memorandum of Understanding, described in SectionVIII.D. of the Policies of Professional and Ministerial Conduct, regarding the reporting any any suspected abuse of a minor.

NOTE: a.) It’s interesting that the Church doesn’t mention the exact crime they were guilty of until this point in their “Code of Ethics.” b.) It’s even more interesting that it’s delivered as a blurb at the end of this terrible sentence. c.) It’s also interesting that this is the first mention of the actual law. d.) Personal Note: Get a copy of this law. Read it and adhere to it. Forget the rest of this list.

• Church Personnel shall accept their personal responsibility in the protection of minors and adults from all forms of abuse.

Note: One more time, I like Adult Ladies–deliciously sexy adult ladies with experience and style who really know how to make love to a man. I love women and sex. And I am very satisfied. And besides, I’m just a janitor. Has there been an outbreak of Catholic Church janitors diddling the children? Hmmmm…Wait a Moment: maybe you should send this memo to some of the more sexually frustrated among you. Perhaps that’s where your problem lies. Like Sigmund Freud said “The only abnormal sex is no sex at all.”

THE END

Thesis: Every point after the first, would be, if your way wasn’t so full of shit, redundant.

My conclusion: Fuck off!! ::Raspberry:: Hahahaha I’m an Atheistic Buddhist! Hahahahahahahaha!!

ACKNOWLEDGMENT

___________________________________________

My signature below indicates that I have received a copy of these Policies and that I have read them and understand these Policies.

Sign Here:____________________________

NOTE: Get a new copy of this form.

∞

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