Buddhist Catholic Meditation 1
I am a philosophical Buddhist and a complete Atheist. I have been for twenty years. So, why do I work as a janitor in a Catholic Church? Well, first, I need the money. And, second, I started my life as a Catholic, and I think this job is a good way to work through the rage I feel for the Catholic organization.
Does that seem weird to anybody, that I think like that? It seems weird to me. I’ve been wondering about myself a lot lately.
I ask myself, what is the true nature of me? Is my true nature really to feel guilty and wrong and in need of redemption and bursting with apology after apology? I’m sorry for my human urges. Please, forgive me for being me! Please!
Is that me? That groveling, is that my essence? Or was that something forced inside me by someone else, by a whole organization of someone else, by a power-hungry, return-to-glory seeking, conglomeration of lying con-artist, sexually-repressed, someone else!?
But what organization in my world is fucked up enough to be the mad psychologist behind such a brainwashing control scheme?
Hmmmm.
Wait, I think I know one.
Three weeks into my Catholic Meditation. No progress.
Tags: Atheism, Buddhism, Catholic Church, Literature, Philosophy, Writer, Writing
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January 18, 2010 at 10:06 pm
You have a very interesting article here, and it’s very clear you feel strongly about you beliefs so I won’t try to change your mind. But, I wanted to share something with you…I am a Christian, but I absolutely am not a Catholic. I do believe that I am in need of a Redeemer because I have in many ways broken God’s laws. Sometimes, I don’t even have to read the Bible to know that…I just have that sick feeling inside that what I did wasn’t right. Nobody has forced me to believe as I do. I sought after God because I wanted to understand why I was here…for what purpose. Before I met Christ, I was a miserable, confused and depressed person looking for something better in my life. I looked to illicit sex, to drugs, to alcohol, to sports…you name it, I tried it. But none of that gave me peace or fulfillment. It was just an escape.
I can’t speak for anyone else. I don’t agree with a lot of the Catholic church, but I am grateful to be a Christian. I am truly happy to have something to believe in that’s bigger than me. And I know that I don’t have to change myself for my God. He loved me before He ever crated me and He will love me always. I can still do what I want…but, I find that the more I know my God, the more I want to change. Not by anyone telling me I have to, but because of a change that has taken place in my heart as I have prayed on my own in my home with no one else ever knowing what I have shared with God. I didn’t go to confession or to a priest for absolution. I don’t need any of that.
As for brainwashing…even scientists want to find the answers to where we come from, how the Earth came to be, where we are going in the future. I don’t think that someone who seeks and finds a spiritual answer to those questions as well as a natural one should be considered brainwashed.
Don’t misunderstand, I do not disrespect athiests or believers of other faiths. I do, however, find it interesting that so many atheists have a hatred for the Christian faith…I think in some cases maybe it’s because of the damage that the Catholic church has done to the original beliefs of Jews and Christians around the globe. The God and King that I serve, Jesus Christ, has been around a whole lot longer than the “Catholic Church” has been. I hope you find the answers that you are looking for or the response that you hope to get with this site. Take care!
January 19, 2010 at 11:20 pm
I agree with everything you said. I just don’t need a god to motivate me. I have nothing but respect for you, though, sincerely.